One card arrived before my birthday, and one card this past week. I didn't want to open the first until after my birthday, because no matter what it said or more likely didn't say, I didn't want it to ruin my day. Hubby eventually opened it for me a day or two later, and it was as suspected and immediately thrown away. I opened the other card ten minutes ago, and it also got immediately pitched.
I wrote about these particular card givers here
https://icantimagine.substack.com/p/an-analogy-part-1
And here
https://icantimagine.substack.com/p/an-analogy-part-2
I was struck with exactly the same thoughts and feelings as last July. Why send me a card or gift? Does it make them “feel good” for doing so at my expense? Just don't bother wasting your time, energy, or finances unless or until there is remorse and repentance for basically being evil. I have forgiven because I do not think about these people in my daily life, or plan revenge of any kind, and I actually wish them well, but I want nothing to do with them.
I will be talking to my counselor about this tomorrow. I now have to figure out if it has to be me that has to send them letters explaining my wishes, or if I can ask an intermediary to do it for me. I know I don't want to!
As before, I’m sure there are plenty of you reading this thinking that I should accept their attempts at making things right. I stick to how I felt then and feel now.
Sending a card or gift without confronting bad behavior, is exactly like going to church, serving, even praying, without ever telling God from your heart and meaning it, that you are a damn sinner who deserves to be dammed for all of the terrible thoughts and deeds of commission, as well as the laziness and prideful sins of ommission, and wanting His help to change into who He wants you to be.
It’s doing the visible steps that might make you feel good about yourself, but it is meaningless to the recipient because you don't REALLY care that you hurt HIM enough to get out of yourself and change. Deep down you don't want to change. So be it.
If that remorse and change is acknowledged and worked on, God, who is love, completely wipes the slate clean. He forgives and forgets. We are supposed to work toward having that kind of love.
I'm not even at that point in this situation because, as stated, no remorse or acknowledgement of bad behavior has been forthcoming. Should it be, I will work on how to proceed. I know I do not have love anywhere near God’s. I have a long way to go, not only with these particular people, but also many of the people in Morgan’s life during her final months, including those to whom she trusted her healthcare.
2024 seems to be shaping up to be the year of truth for me. Truth or nothing. We should all want to live that way, but it’s easier not to. That’s for sure.
I agree about bringing in a third person, and that is biblical as well. Wise thinking! May God give you strength and grace.
Matthew 18
15 ¶ "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Oh Joan, I thought about you this morning while doing my devotional....I am sorry that this has brought you these emotions. Praying for you today.