So the older siblings thought/think Tim went to hell and not heaven because he commented suicide, at age 19? How did they come up with that? I am going to pray that they see the truth! God knows us all intimately and knew every struggle Tim faced and how his brain processed them. I love that the pastor told you that and I agree! God also knew/knows that you, his mom, would be told the truth, to give you some peace in your grief. Thank you very much for sharing that, Gigi.
My 19 yo son was dabbling with drugs and did not seem to have any risk aversion/impulse control wrt drugs. After he visited me at Christmas 2019 and I saw his countenance (lost eyes), I worried intensely about him every single day, constantly.... I worried I would get a phone call that he was maimed or brain damaged, or in jail for vehicular homicide.... I have a nephew that hit a tree driving drunk when he was 17 and is severely handicapped with a traumatic brain injury.
I am ashamed to say that among shock and grief when I did get the phone call in Feb 2020 that he had died from nitrous oxide asphyxiation, I also felt relief. I would never have to worry about him again. He is at peace. His tormented soul is finally healed and free. He won't kill anyone or cause a future wife and children pain and distress by continuing to descend down the path he was taking....
I'm sorry and I understand. God knows all and even though He loved our kids intensely, He loves all souls. What was going to happen in the future to them or because of them, that they were done on earth so early?
I'm still reading and listening to more NDE podcasts and they have it much better than we do and that gives me comfort. Have you ever done that?
When Tim was in high school, I recall several occasions when this song played and I told him how it reminded me of him; of his wrestling with God and spiritual truth. https://youtu.be/rUhnoralqVA
I played the video at his celebration of life. When he fell backwards, I believe that- just like the song says- he was caught in the arms of Jesus "What if the arms that catch you catch you by surprise...?"
The memories of him singing Christian songs at the top of his lungs, and of having those discussions about this song are so comforting. His struggles are over and he suffers no more.
That's a great song. I've never heard it before. I just type NDE into the search on YT and many come up. It does get a little confusing being a Bible believing Christian that non believers of Jesus as Savior (adults) also are there, but it is not for me to judge that. I believe God wants all to know and trust Jesus while we're here because it gives freedom and takes away fear and worry when you truly submit.
Since their brother died, 5 of his older siblings have "deconstructed" and I do think it is because they could not love a God who would send their little brother to hell and eternally torment him.
I decided around 2014 (when Tim was hospitalized with suicidal ideation) that I don't believe that God is cruel like that. I do not love my son more than God loves him. Still, it was such a long term ingrained fear... A good pastor talked me through: God loves Tim so much and Tim was suffering such inner torment that God wanted Tim to be set free and have peace so God took Tim back earlier than I wanted or imagined.
One of Tim's very good friends Calvin shared that Tim had said "when he uses nitrous oxide, it takes him to God". Calvin said he didn't realize that Tim meant it literally. That was comforting because Tim was a very deep thinker on spiritual/philosophical matters and his statement was prophetic.
So the older siblings thought/think Tim went to hell and not heaven because he commented suicide, at age 19? How did they come up with that? I am going to pray that they see the truth! God knows us all intimately and knew every struggle Tim faced and how his brain processed them. I love that the pastor told you that and I agree! God also knew/knows that you, his mom, would be told the truth, to give you some peace in your grief. Thank you very much for sharing that, Gigi.
🥰
My 19 yo son was dabbling with drugs and did not seem to have any risk aversion/impulse control wrt drugs. After he visited me at Christmas 2019 and I saw his countenance (lost eyes), I worried intensely about him every single day, constantly.... I worried I would get a phone call that he was maimed or brain damaged, or in jail for vehicular homicide.... I have a nephew that hit a tree driving drunk when he was 17 and is severely handicapped with a traumatic brain injury.
I am ashamed to say that among shock and grief when I did get the phone call in Feb 2020 that he had died from nitrous oxide asphyxiation, I also felt relief. I would never have to worry about him again. He is at peace. His tormented soul is finally healed and free. He won't kill anyone or cause a future wife and children pain and distress by continuing to descend down the path he was taking....
I am so very sorry for your loss. May your son now be at peace.
I'm sorry and I understand. God knows all and even though He loved our kids intensely, He loves all souls. What was going to happen in the future to them or because of them, that they were done on earth so early?
I'm still reading and listening to more NDE podcasts and they have it much better than we do and that gives me comfort. Have you ever done that?
No, I haven't. Wasn't aware of NDE podcasts.
When Tim was in high school, I recall several occasions when this song played and I told him how it reminded me of him; of his wrestling with God and spiritual truth. https://youtu.be/rUhnoralqVA
I played the video at his celebration of life. When he fell backwards, I believe that- just like the song says- he was caught in the arms of Jesus "What if the arms that catch you catch you by surprise...?"
The memories of him singing Christian songs at the top of his lungs, and of having those discussions about this song are so comforting. His struggles are over and he suffers no more.
That's a great song. I've never heard it before. I just type NDE into the search on YT and many come up. It does get a little confusing being a Bible believing Christian that non believers of Jesus as Savior (adults) also are there, but it is not for me to judge that. I believe God wants all to know and trust Jesus while we're here because it gives freedom and takes away fear and worry when you truly submit.
Since their brother died, 5 of his older siblings have "deconstructed" and I do think it is because they could not love a God who would send their little brother to hell and eternally torment him.
I decided around 2014 (when Tim was hospitalized with suicidal ideation) that I don't believe that God is cruel like that. I do not love my son more than God loves him. Still, it was such a long term ingrained fear... A good pastor talked me through: God loves Tim so much and Tim was suffering such inner torment that God wanted Tim to be set free and have peace so God took Tim back earlier than I wanted or imagined.
One of Tim's very good friends Calvin shared that Tim had said "when he uses nitrous oxide, it takes him to God". Calvin said he didn't realize that Tim meant it literally. That was comforting because Tim was a very deep thinker on spiritual/philosophical matters and his statement was prophetic.
I typed my comment from the email that shows it came in, but coming here to view it, it doesn't look like it came in as a reply. Scroll up
or down to see it. Sorry.