I agree with Bellatrix that others who are on this journey of child loss definitely benefit from your openness and honesty. I think most, if not all of us experience the numbness at times. I also think it is almost universal to have those thoughts of "it's OK if that car...." at times. Not feeling normal is actually closer to a new normal for us. But this journey isn't normal and I hate the term "new normal".
As far as days and dates go, I've been on this journey for 2 years, 11 months and 27 days. Monday will be the 3 year mark.
Thank you for honestly sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Roger, thank you for your comment and sharing a little about your own journey. I have found the days leading up to an anniversary are just as hard as the actual day, and I've prayed and will pray that you feel comfort right now. If you ever feel inclined, I'd love to hear about what your son was like.
I do feel like I got a good feel for his personality and he sounds and looks like he was a lot of fun to be around. He passed on doing something he loved. Of all the people I have been close to who's children have passed, none fit that profile.
Thank you for that. When Margo, the owner of Salt Water, asked me to write a description/introduction I struggled with how to put T.J. into typed text. Eventually I ended up sitting at my keyboard and just letting my jumbled thoughts and descriptions hammer out into the keyboard through my fingers and left it for her to edit as she wished (she didn't change anything).
He was definitely a lot of fun to be around (most of the time). "100 miles an hour with his hair on fire" one minute and then sitting in the recliner, with his daughter on his lap, watching Finding Nemo (or Fast and Furious) the next.
And....yes....he was absolutely in his element. When I went to the accident site a few days after the fact, the tracks left over made it abundantly clear that he was having a blast. He had done (amazingly round, well done) doughnuts with his truck in several flat places along the levee and had scaled the levee successfully many times that day prior to the attempt that ultimately became his last. The left front tire dropped in a hole at the same time the right front tire hit a ridge in the dirt, halfway up the face of the levee.........."the phone call" came a few hours later......he was killed instantly. Knowing T.J., he had just enough time to think "This is gonna hurt!......Oh Sh....."
Typing that this morning, almost three years after the fact, leaves me sitting here smiling and shaking my head. Tears aren't far from the corners of my eyes, yet I'm smiling and shaking my head at the thought. Numerous moments throughout his entire life had me standing back, shaking my head, not knowing whether to laugh or cry......or both. That is T.J. in a nutshell.
Sorry. I didn't intend to take up your comments section with my ramblings.
No apologies! I'm glad you did and it's so bittersweet. Since I don't "need" to write every day anymore, I'd love to re-post here the link to Salt Water and your post, and today's comment with your permission sometime soon as a guest post. Many people read before comments are there or choose not to read the comments, but I'd like to point out that T.J. was taking advantage of what life had to offer and was actually living it, not just existing. Morgan was, too, and I hope to encourage others to live.
You are very brave and courageous to pour your heart out to us. I agree, I feel like the feelings you have are very common after such a huge loss. I hate that you’re going through it. I do feel that others reading this blog, maybe even months or years from now, who are going through the loss of a child, will get comfort from your honesty. Also it also helps us to understand what our loved ones who have lost a child are going through.
You are very loved by so many including your readers here. God bless you, Joan, may He be with you with an extra measure of grace and assurance.
Thank you Bellatrix. It is my hope that my writing will help others going through this now or in the future. It helps me to know that Morgan's passing has meaning in the lives of others. I feel the love from you and others, and that also keeps me going. Thank you! ❤
I agree with Bellatrix that others who are on this journey of child loss definitely benefit from your openness and honesty. I think most, if not all of us experience the numbness at times. I also think it is almost universal to have those thoughts of "it's OK if that car...." at times. Not feeling normal is actually closer to a new normal for us. But this journey isn't normal and I hate the term "new normal".
As far as days and dates go, I've been on this journey for 2 years, 11 months and 27 days. Monday will be the 3 year mark.
Thank you for honestly sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Roger, thank you for your comment and sharing a little about your own journey. I have found the days leading up to an anniversary are just as hard as the actual day, and I've prayed and will pray that you feel comfort right now. If you ever feel inclined, I'd love to hear about what your son was like.
The easiest way is to share the link to my stories on Salt Water - FindYourHarbor.com
https://findyourharbor.com/author/pick/ If you start at the bottom, the first post/introduction gives a glimpse at what T.J. was like. (Pick is me, BTW)
And yes, there is still a general "funk" that creeps in leading up to anniversaries......like now......so thank you for the prayer!
I do feel like I got a good feel for his personality and he sounds and looks like he was a lot of fun to be around. He passed on doing something he loved. Of all the people I have been close to who's children have passed, none fit that profile.
Thank you for that. When Margo, the owner of Salt Water, asked me to write a description/introduction I struggled with how to put T.J. into typed text. Eventually I ended up sitting at my keyboard and just letting my jumbled thoughts and descriptions hammer out into the keyboard through my fingers and left it for her to edit as she wished (she didn't change anything).
He was definitely a lot of fun to be around (most of the time). "100 miles an hour with his hair on fire" one minute and then sitting in the recliner, with his daughter on his lap, watching Finding Nemo (or Fast and Furious) the next.
And....yes....he was absolutely in his element. When I went to the accident site a few days after the fact, the tracks left over made it abundantly clear that he was having a blast. He had done (amazingly round, well done) doughnuts with his truck in several flat places along the levee and had scaled the levee successfully many times that day prior to the attempt that ultimately became his last. The left front tire dropped in a hole at the same time the right front tire hit a ridge in the dirt, halfway up the face of the levee.........."the phone call" came a few hours later......he was killed instantly. Knowing T.J., he had just enough time to think "This is gonna hurt!......Oh Sh....."
Typing that this morning, almost three years after the fact, leaves me sitting here smiling and shaking my head. Tears aren't far from the corners of my eyes, yet I'm smiling and shaking my head at the thought. Numerous moments throughout his entire life had me standing back, shaking my head, not knowing whether to laugh or cry......or both. That is T.J. in a nutshell.
Sorry. I didn't intend to take up your comments section with my ramblings.
No apologies! I'm glad you did and it's so bittersweet. Since I don't "need" to write every day anymore, I'd love to re-post here the link to Salt Water and your post, and today's comment with your permission sometime soon as a guest post. Many people read before comments are there or choose not to read the comments, but I'd like to point out that T.J. was taking advantage of what life had to offer and was actually living it, not just existing. Morgan was, too, and I hope to encourage others to live.
I am totally fine with a re-post/guest post and including today's comment.
I will look there this evening. Thank you!
You are very brave and courageous to pour your heart out to us. I agree, I feel like the feelings you have are very common after such a huge loss. I hate that you’re going through it. I do feel that others reading this blog, maybe even months or years from now, who are going through the loss of a child, will get comfort from your honesty. Also it also helps us to understand what our loved ones who have lost a child are going through.
You are very loved by so many including your readers here. God bless you, Joan, may He be with you with an extra measure of grace and assurance.
Thank you Bellatrix. It is my hope that my writing will help others going through this now or in the future. It helps me to know that Morgan's passing has meaning in the lives of others. I feel the love from you and others, and that also keeps me going. Thank you! ❤
Joan - there is nothing wrong with being honest - you are allowed. I’m sure you are grateful for this platform - where you can be 😘❤️🙏
Yes, I'm thankful for it and especially the people who read it.
🥰