Unpleasant But Good

Post 181

Due to my current desire to shed possible excess weight or inches, I decided on another hike instead of a walk. We reached Cathedral Caverns by 930 and up we went. The partly cloudy weather and the shaded path would make it bearable.

It had been over 16 hours since I'd last eaten, but I really wasn't hungry yet, believe it or not. The body can be trained to not want to eat as often, and mine has adjusted to 16-18 hours before I get hungry.

It WAS unpleasant going uphill though because of the humidity and several spider webs, but it was also good for a couple reasons. First, I knew my body was using excess fat as energy, and that just felt productive. Second, for a bit, I felt like I was listening to Morgan inside my head cheering me on, and I telepathically talked back to her. Our conversation went something like this:

Mo: ”I'm proud of you mom”

(Just like the ending of that poem from last week)

Me: “I’m trying.”

Mo: “You tried to tell me a lot about the important things in life and I get it now. I wish I'd understood better. You just won't believe how great it is here.”

Me: “That's why I can keep going. I know you're happy.”

Mo: “I'm pushing you now, and I’m pushing you to live. And I'll be behind dad in his races, and I'll be with (her brother) in all his adventures. I'm cheering you on. I know I wasn't like this down there, but I am now.”

Me: “Thanks!”

Then I hit the downhill portion and the conversation ended.

(Hubby is in training for open water swim competitions he'll be doing late summer and fall)

Some of you have mentioned how strong you think I'm being, and believe me, it does take a lot of work to control my thoughts and outlook. I naturally turned to God for help when this happened and He hasn't let me down, always providing me with people, music, or nature to get me through the hardest moments.

I would be a giant hypocrite if I went around praising God but living my life like what happened took Him by surprise. None of us know when our last day on earth will be, but we aren't supposed to not take advantage of each day given to us, even those of us who are grieving. It's one day at a time though.

The King will answer and say to them, ‘I assure you and most solemnly say to you, to the extent that you did it for one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it for Me.’

Matthew 25:40 AMP