People We Thought We Knew
Post 219
As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, W3, our other friend from the W3 retreat, and I all discovered we'd each had relationship situations that surprised us immensely while we were grieving.
I have written about mine generally, both in the first ever post, but also in the below July post:
We each had very long-standing relationships ranging from about 60 years to 30 years with people whom we loved, and we assumed loved us, who either more or less ignored our devastating situations, made it about them, or were otherwise unable to be whom we would have expected them to be. It's bewildering to go through and made us each question how well we really know people.
But for all three of us to have experienced these breaks is a little shocking, so perhaps it is more common than people realize. This isn't a case of them “saying the wrong thing,” which many people do because they think they should say something, yet it’s hard to say “the right thing.” No, in all of our cases, these people more or less just vanished.
I'm personally not bothered at all by my relationships that ended. They were only hanging on by a thread before Mo died, but in my mind, the enormity of the loss should have strengthened the thread back up, not cut it loose. Thankfully God had many wonderful people that filled and continue to fill the gap.
Speak and act [consistently] as people who are going to be judged by the law of liberty [that moral law that frees obedient Christians from the bondage of sin].
James 2:12 AMP
Sometimes I think those who have experienced the death of a child represent a reality that most people do not even want to imagine, much less have it happen
to them. So many people say they o the grieving parent, “I can’t imagine…” and no, you really cannot, but the truth is this, nor do you want to. So in some ways, a bereaved parent is a threat to his/her peers. The mindset, I think, particularly among those with whom we’ve experienced long term relationships, is “if it could happen to those parents/ that parent, it could happen to anyone…including me,” and that is not a thought most people want to entertain. So, it is easier to walk away from a long-standing relationship than to deal with a grief you are not sure you could survive.
I feel like ever since the advent of instant and remote communication, that people have lost social skills and the desire to be together in person.
If you add that to an already fragile relationship, I can definitely see where it can get destroyed;maybe not permanently, but possibly permanently.
I do pray that each of you that endured these huge losses get comfort from each other, and that God’s will is done concerning the other relationships.
Thank you for sharing that with us. I know it must be hard to discuss.