Anything But and Chipotle

Post 258

For the past week or so, although there were mere minutes of sadness and tears, for the most part I was busy and carrying along feeling anything but sadness most of the time. I felt more irritation and anger than I have felt in the last year; I felt numb; I felt joy spending time with W3 and her sweet smart little grandson yesterday; I felt crazy for not feeling sad “already", knowing I’m approaching the anniversary. Although still avoiding Christmas carols and Christmas decorations, I’d become desensitized enough from what I did see or hear (in stores) throughout the last month, to be able to go to my pottery friend’s amazingly beautifully decorated house and wrap presents for hubby and my Dec 21st delivery, and enjoy our time together.

I attributed my good fortune of making it through December so unscathed to all of the prayers I know many of you are praying for me, hubby, and son. No doubt it IS the reason for peace that passes all human understanding.

After I awoke and went through my usual routines, the wall I or God temporarily put around my heart to survive December, collapsed. In comes the sadness. In comes the love of God through so many of you, which I FEEL, but in comes the pain. In comes the throat tightening. In come the tears pooling then falling. In come the visions of Morgan both healthy and beautiful like I see on my phone background and pictures around the house a couple dozen times a day, but also the Morgan after she passed, no longer herself. In come the questions that only God can answer. In come the questions that will be answered in the very near future. What is the 23rd going to be like? How do we memorialize her on THAT day?

This blog post paused. I wrote all of that mid-morning.

Now I’m writing late afternoon. Until I was writing this morning, I didn’t have any actual plan if you can believe that. My plan was just to get through the day somehow, hopefully hiking a lot if the weather cooperated. If I didn’t mention it already, we will not be at home. We’re heading up to Mammoth Caves area in Kentucky, which is a good mid-way point between Columbus, OH and Gurley, able to spend time with our son.

Writing my question helped pique an idea in my brain, however, and I immediately used mapquest to see if there is a Chipotle in Bowling Green Kentucky. We would certainly eat there that day. Then the idea blossomed. How about we buy a gift card while paying and hand it to the person behind us and say, “In memory of Mo?” It would brighten their day with a meal she enjoyed. Then that idea grew until I realized anybody missing her could memorialize her in the same way that day!

I got hold of Emily, one of Morgan’s longest and best friend, and she was 100% in on the idea. She said she had a very bad night and also woke up sad today with the date approaching. She is willing to post the idea on Facebook and tag Morgan, so that anybody who sees it and wants to, can join in. She’ll get the word out on some other social media, too. Even if they don’t want to do the gift card part, just enjoying Chipotle in her memory would be cool. I hope some will decide to tag her and post a picture of their memorial meal.

I’m going to contact her coaches in Cincinnati so they can take part as well. It is making me feel better already.

I have seen many GBH this week. On the Hays Backend path on Monday, one caught my eye far out in a field. I was on the path and looked left at the spot where I’d seen the very first GBH who’s presence had made me think of her. Not one there and I just looked on the opposite side of the path for “no reason,” because you have to look “somewhere,” and out across a large field one somehow caught my eye. It was so far away that I wasn’t even sure, but I went into the field to get a better look and I was right. Stunningly, it was still there a half hour later on my return, so KK and I walked through the field so I could get a good picture. I even videotaped some of it because I’m a little weird, but as I did that, another GBH flew to the same spot and the two “duked it out” for ten seconds before the intruder flew off again.

Here are a couple pictures.

Today I went on the same walk. Just approaching the driveway to pull in I saw GBH #1 near some bushes. None in that field today. Near our turnaround point, a family with a dog was approaching and I had no desire to deal with KK’s dog issues, so we turned early. There on my left, GBH #2 (near the water center of the picture)

I saw a cardinal about a hundred yards from the parking lot and then on the way home, giant GBH #3 flew across the road from right to left into the McMullen subdivision. Three in one day, all within about 70 minutes. Crazy and blessed.