A Reunion

Post 274

A couple months ago I received an invitation to attend a weekend reunion with the grief retreat group, While We're Waiting, which I highly recommend if you’ve had a child pass away. I was only four months into this journey when I attended last May, and it was both enlightening and encouraging, yet emotionally exhausting. The greatest benefit was forming solid friendships with a couple of the women, especially the one I refer to as W3. We are both thankful for our bi-weekly get-togethers and that we have each other close by.

The reunion is this Friday night until Saturday afternoon and both W3 and I will go, and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone again. I cried a lot last time, but I don't see myself crying much this time, although I do feel more emotional as it is drawing near. I only cry for a minute or two a couple times a week these days. I have no idea if that’s a lot or a little at this point, and I don't care. I know there is no “right” amount.

I cannot and do not want to dredge up the level of grief from this time last year. It would be impossible unless, God forbid, He called my son home early, too, and then I’d have to experience it again. As it is now, I recall the level of grief, but I don't feel it.

Other than these moments of tears, how is it now fifteen plus months later?

Well, I’ve adapted. Just as it was explained very early on, losing a child is somewhat akin to losing a limb. Your life abruptly changes and you just have to learn to live with it. You work at it and eventually you reach a new normal.

For me, new normal is being thankful for a lot and not taking as much for granted. I’d like to say I don't take anything for granted, but I still do. I have always cared about friends and family, but the new normal is caring even more, definitely praying for them more.

The new normal is also about being more in tune with God and nature, always looking for His presence or signs of Morgan. As one subscriber and virtual friend commented on the last post, “I am so glad He is present in the signs around you and that He is returning Morgan to you in those small ways.” I live for Him and these gifts of her, and I live to be able to pass these signs of hope on.

Old normal was just not as “real” as the new normal. I had sometimes prioritized the absolute wrong things, but I don't think I do that as much anymore.

As I write all this, I just recalled Jesus's Sermon on the Mount, also known as the Beatitudes. I am copying them in here using The Message translation (usually my favorite). Jesus told them and us this, and what I’m trying to say is, yes, I get it.

‭Matthew 5:3-12 MSG‬

[3] “You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule. [4] “You’re blessed when you feel you’ve lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you. [5] “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are—no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought. [6] “You’re blessed when you’ve worked up a good appetite for God. He’s food and drink in the best meal you’ll ever eat. [7] “You’re blessed when you care. At the moment of being ‘care-full,’ you find yourselves cared for. [8] “You’re blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world. [9] “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That’s when you discover who you really are, and your place in God’s family. [10] “You’re blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God’s kingdom. [11-12] “Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don’t like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind trouble.

For those who want a greater understanding of the word “blessed,” try this! It’s very informative!

Thank you for reading and feel free to add this as a “Note” or share on any other social media.