Why Me?

Post 253

Seeing the title, the normal reaction I would think would be why am I, the author, having to go through this pain? Why me? Why did my daughter leave this Earth? Especially after my last post.

Wrong. Quite the opposite.

I have made a 180 degree turn from where I was from the last post. How? Why? Because the last thing God wants is for me to feel hopeless.

He showed up, as before, in you. Did you feel that inkling to pray, comment, text?

Thank you. It ALL made a difference.

Yesterday morning I was basically still a wreck. My hubby needed to help and sent me a love song. Although it made me cry harder, it also helped. Rock 4 imparted her (God’s) love, first thing in the morning. Jeanne, formerly known as Rock 3, texted, asking me if I was home. “Yes, but I'm working, still in jammies.'“ She didn’t ask, she SAID, “on my way.” As much as I literally looked like a wreck, I didn't even care. She’d seen me as a wreck on December 24th. I remembered the hug.

A hug from a friend, who is herself a mom to a daughter, is a different kind of hug. Nobody could miss Mo more than me or hubby, but any mom knows the bond between mother and daughter. Jeanne's hug and words were, “I get it. Nothing is going to fix this. You have to bear it, but I’m here for you.” (God through Jeanne)

Meanwhile…

Roger, friend through this blog and have never met in “real life” (what is real?) checked in via email. He lost his son, T.J., just over 3 years ago, so he’s a “pro” at handling Christmas, right?

It’s difficult and it will always be difficult. Perspective. It will depend on what other gifts are recognized. Roger is an excellent writer and we will be encouraging each other in our books, or book ideas, in process. God’s will be done.

One of my subscribers and frequent commenters is Jennifer Incognito who writes her own blog on substack called “Ramblings in Faith.” Today’s edition?

Encourage One Another

Encourage one another. Exactly.

Oh no. We're only halfway done.

1:30 in the morning I wake up to a crashing sound in my bedroom. Hubby and I sleep separately which I have found out recently is not so uncommon. Ours started years ago when light sleeper me would awaken from muscle twitching hubby from swim workouts. Sleep is VERY important. It is what it is.

A piece of wall art fell off the wall from the VELCRO hanging.

I went from sound asleep to pure adrenaline. There was no going back to sleep. What does Joanie do? She listens in the quiet and begins to hear her daughter telling her how great heaven is, and that she couldn't be happier. She can’t wait til our reunion someday.

“Mom, you won’t believe it.”

I also recalled a song from my junior high years that always spoke to me. I easily recalled and sang it in my head, all three verses. Maumee St. Paul’s Lutheran, I’m talking to you ( and others!)

I was nowhere near sleep, so as always, I used the time to pray for everyone I care about. Coco of 3? Yes! I pray for you and your hubby. M from Colombus, yes! ROCK 2 , Rock 3, Rock 4. Yes. Hubby. Son, Yes. Sharon and family? Yes! W3? YES. YOU get the idea. I literally pray myself back to sleep.

Mid-day today. M from Columbus and I had our first walk and talk in a month. She’s now pre-reading the fiction book I’ve been working on. Very encouraging. I guess I never realized that our connection at our reunion was so ordained. She had not planned to, and did not want to, attend the reunion last August. But she felt the need to attend only for me and one other mutual friend. It was practically shocking to her husband that she was going, but she could not avoid the “pull.”

The rest is history. God called. M listened. We are both more than blessed. Thank you again, M - and God. I need her. I need Him.

Tonight. Tonight was Euchre (card game) night. Jeanne, me, and Craig were the first, and only ones there for a while. Craig lost a son a few years ago. You may recall very early on in this blog when he found out about Mo. And I then learned about his son. Tonight we stated our “realities of the season”, in front of Jeanne, who was not put off or made uncomfortable by our revelations. It was three hearts in tune to reality. Truth.

I’m under no delusions that I might get pulled out into the crashing waves again fairly soon, but today I caught my breath. I reached shore for a short rest at least. Thank you. Thank you. God IS love. LOVE is God.