Yesterday I flew in an airplane (well how else?), for the first time since mid-2019. During the fascist covid craze, we or I, chose to drive to all my/our destinations. I had the opportunity to come back to Ohio and dog sit for Rock 5, which also gives me the chance to hang out with both Rock 2 and my adopt-a-dad a bit, and my son will take a day off work and drive up and see me on Monday as well. The dog I’m taking care of, Poppy, is as cute as the dickens. Here she is when I returned from taking them to the airport, and she’s waiting for her “mom” to come through the garage door next.
My flight was good, direct, and easy. (Props to Delta, Roger!) I was very happy my phone kindle app still worked, so I got further in a good book by one of my favorite authors, Lisa Jewell. At some point when I took a small break, the thought occurred to me that being up that high, my soul was as physically close to Morgan as it had been since December 23. 2022. I don't know where thoughts come from exactly, but it made me extremely sad, and I closed my eyes and let the tears drip down as I let the wave of grief do its thing.
I have noticed that Year 2 has been very different from Year 1 so far. Year 1 was constantly trying to deal with accepting the truth, trying to adapt to a missing person, and eventually kind of preparing for the dreaded traumatic anniversary.
Year 2 is more like total acceptance now that the anniversary has passed, but it’s definitely more sad on a daily basis. The more time that goes by, the more time I haven't seen her and can't see her.
I listen for her, I pretend the GBH ARE her (which helps because then I get to see her), but honestly it just really really sucks! I’m not depressed. I’m looking forward to getting the book published this year, I'm looking forward to fun things planned with hubby, I'm looking forward to the truth of her passing coming out hopefully this year, too.
That's it for today. I hope y’all are enjoying 2024 so far. Live your best life!
“At some point when I took a small break, the thought occurred to me that being up that high, my soul was as physically close to Morgan as it had been since December 23. 2022.”
I love this! What a great thought!
Bravo. Moving forward. You’re just Stuck a lot right now, but I believe it’ll be easier bit by bit to get unstuck, and you may not even recognize it because it happens so incrementally (as it has been for you). Celebrate the little steps forward, do not dwell on the frequent hiccups (easier said than done, I know, I know, lol). You have come a long way, yay!