The Past Few Days

Post 222

The past few days have flown by like a whirlwind. On Saturday my young friend S came over and helped me do a couple things around the house while we waited for hubby to get home so we could go out to dinner. We had a very nice meal, and then we walked around Big Spring Park in downtown Huntsville, which is just a very pleasant thing to do. We fed koi fish and ducks which is a past time I have always loved.

S spent the night and we were out bright and early Sunday morning for the kayaking we couldn't do last time because of the water level. We were having a lot of fun and she rescued a small butterfly in the water. I took a picture of her, handed her the phone pouch (it has a clear window) to take a picture of me for posterity's sake, and then after she handed it back the unthinkable happened.

I must not have put the strap around my neck yet (floatable pouch), and my kayak hit a downed tree branch jutting out and I began to tip. For several seconds it could have gone either way, but I flipped over. I looked and waited for the phone pouch to surface downstream but it didn't! The water wasn't deep so although the current was fairly strong, I waded around the area feeling to see if it got caught on other downed branches but I had no luck. I was so upset. I didn't know if I’d had my phone set to back everything up to the cloud, so I thought I’d lost the last texts from Morgan, lots of pictures and videos, not to mention a lot of other useful things. I know everyone would be angry, frustrated, or sad in this type of situation, but I honestly felt like I was losing more of her. I did cry a bit, but I didn't want to upset S either.

Up until this moment, we’d already had six GBH sightings! There were at least two distinct birds, but the other sightings could have been either of those two multiple times. One was huge and looked much bluer than any I’d ever seen. Four sightings came after my wet ordeal, but even those didn't help my anxiety and mood very much. That really is a shocking number though isn't it? 10 total!

Hubby picked us up at the arranged time and place, and went with me to get a new phone during the afternoon. We were both so relieved that almost everything had been backed up. I am missing many weeks worth of random texts but that’s about all. I am not a great fan of technology sometimes, but boy was I glad for it now.

In the evening, hubby got our son from the airport for a nice two and a half day visit. He got Labor Day off, and his usual off days are Tuesday and Wednesday so why not?

On Labor day we met friends at a different part of the river than S and I had floated, for a few fun hours of kayaking. The weather and current were perfect and we all had a great time. At one point when we parked for a bite to eat, a small butterfly stayed very close by, eventually landing. Both my son and I held her.

See her on my hand?

This morning I did the Little Cove Transformer walk and definitely looked for GBH as I started out, but it had been so long since I’d seen any on my walks, it was only half-hearted. Near the end, my dog abruptly turned her head and there “she” was, looking for food.

I can't explain all the GBH or human loving butterflies, but it sure was nice to feel like Morgan was also a part of this long weekend visit.

I sometimes feel strange saying and acting like Morgan visited. I have to reiterate that I don't actually think a GBH or a butterfly are literally Morgan or hold her soul, but they do represent her presence to me. It’s all I have of her.

I want to go back and be able to change whatever I can that would have altered the finality of our family missing a very loved member. I will never be able to understand what happened and why. I can only continue to do my best to “live” without her.

Jesus answered, “Be careful that no one misleads you [deceiving you and leading you into error].

Matthew 24:4 AMP