The In Between

Post 202

Every now and then, and tonight being a “now”, I will drink alcohol - just enough that it is in between sober and drunk. The in-between, or perhaps known as tipsy.

99% of the time I drink or drank alcohol, from age 16 on, was to be in the tipsy state.

For me, in the tipsy state, I feel things fuller in an empathetic sense. I feel like here I see the world as I wish I would see it in a fully sober state (but I don't). Unfortunately I'm much more cynical in my fully sober state.

I'm sorry for those of you who read this that perhaps see alcohol as a scourge. It definitely (100%) is, when not used in moderation. It 100% was a contributing factor to Morgan's death.

Why am I telling you this now?

One, even though I've never met so many of you, you are all my sisters and brothers in Christ, and my friends. One day we will meet. You might as well know exactly who I am.

Second, tonight my hubby and I watched a movie called Nomadland I had never even heard of. He scrolled through it last night as I was leaving for the Bible study and it looked so good, based on the synopsis on Prime, I said I wanted to see it, too. So we rented it tonight for $2.49.

This is an excellent movie and moves the soul. It has so many scenes that portray exactly what grief looks like. We didn't even know what we were getting into when we chose it. There is a scene, where an older gentlemen describes it being the 5th anniversary of his son's suicide, and he says my mantra. “We will be reunited.”

Here's the link to the movie.

https://m.imdb.com/title/tt9770150/

What I WAS going to write about before watching this movie was the fact that I once again, saw the glory of God first thing this morning, which set my path straight for the day.

Hubby left for a swim workout around 5 am, which woke our doggy, who decided she'd like to go outside. I got to see God's glorious moon, which had moved quite far from last night's picture. It made me realize once again that the omniscient Creator has it all in His hands and my daughter is now there with Him. I even took the opportunity mid-day to go to the https://www.reasons.org website to read an article (way over my head!) describing the ultimate fine tuning which made/makes life on earth possible.

I have to accept that my life has changed. There will be days that I'll feel like I've gotten over a hump and that I can be fairly normal, and then it just changes. From those of you who have lived in this type of grief longer, I guess I'm getting it. This is it. This is how it will be from now until the day I die. A good day. A bad day. A good hour. A bad hour. A good minute. A bad minute.

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous, your handmade sky-jewelry, Moon and stars mounted in their settings. Then I look at my micro-self and wonder, Why do you bother with us? Why take a second look our way?

Psalms 8:3‭-‬4 MSG