I can't quite shake these blues, but I'm still trying. The weather wasn't going to be quite as hot today so I didn't get out of the house until after nine to walk the dog. It was already in the low 80s though, so I knew I needed to go on a mostly shady walk. I headed over to Cathedral Caverns and planned to stay on the pavement/road instead of a trail.
I liked that new route I took last time up to the cabins, but this time we just kept going. It was completely shaded and completely quiet and completely wonderful. I turned around at a bend with a stretch of sun and was rewarded a minute later with a cardinal who flew across the street.
I had a nice text from my sister-in-law in California just after returning home, who remember, unbeknownst to me, had also equated the GBH to Mo. She sent a video of a visit of a GBH this morning. I told her I like to picture Morgan visiting her and just cruising around seeing the wonders of the world. Those are the thoughts I need to keep at the forefront.
I pulled weeds and trimmed some branches at home for awhile but it got very hot and humid, so my next chore was to try to find the iphone watch charger. I remembered seeing it amongst her things, but had no idea what it was until yesterday, when the employee used one. I had to at least attempt to find it instead of buying one. Doubtful anyone will buy the watch without one.
It took a few boxes to find it, and it was hard to go through her things again. I pulled out a few items I want to give to some people, too. At this point, I went all in on my sadness and viewed some of the Snapchat videos on her phone, too. Her voice! You'd think I do it often, but I don't. I rarely go into her phone at all.
By the time hubby got home from his swim workout, I had really become depressed, the kind where you wonder if you'll ever be happy again. He immediately noticed my demeanor and tears and we talked for a long time. He has a special way of making me see reality and as I write this, I do feel a wee bit better.
I'm not exactly sure what it will take to get me closer to the calmer, shallower waters near the beach. I'm not in danger of actually going under and sinking, but it is hard to keep treading water. Just one day at a time is all I can do.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 NLT
I think you and Greg have been so strong for each other when you've each needed it. Your marriage is a blessing. ❤️
Thought of you this weekend. Prayers for moments of rest from your sadness. My parents died suddenly 2 years ago and although was not one of my children, sometimes so am overtaken with profound grief and reflection on if I spoke or loved well in our last times together.