Showing Me Again and Again and Again

Post 273

Who knew I’d be posting again so soon? I’ve got words bubbling up in me and I have to get them out.

I’ve mentioned previously I’m involved in a Tuesday evening women’s Bible Study on Romans. Each week is one chapter and last night was Romans 8. Although we are free to research and discuss any verses we’d like to, we also get an assigned section in case we don’t really care either. I had been in the Romans 8: 1-11 group, which I had studied on Sunday to prepare. I don’t know exactly what to call what I’d been experiencing; maybe confusion, maybe unease, maybe deception aimed at me from the darker side.

Romans 8: 1-11 is about walking in the flesh (self glory/self control) versus walking in the spirit (God’s glory and peace). Verses 7 and 8 say, “The mindset of the flesh is hostile to God because it does not submit to God’s law. Indeed, it is unable to do so. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” When reviewing a commentary on verses 5-8, it explained that to be carnally minded is death. We bring death into our lives. Walking in the spirit brings life and peace. The commentary provided a few questions to ask oneself to see if one is walking in the Spirit.

As I do with everything that might involve the word “death,” I tried to answer for Morgan, not really knowing her heart like only God can. Having been raised learning about God’s love for her and the purpose of Jesus on Earth, I knew Morgan knew the “facts,” but she at age 24 was not much different than me at that age, walking very carnally. My words to direct her to the Bible when she faced seemingly overwhelming situations or emotions were often not as appreciated as I had prayed they would be. I had not always been the best example in my life either.

These passages took me back to what I know of the days and hours before her passing and the hours and earliest days after, when I sometimes questioned where her eternal soul was. I have been assured by every single person since that day, that oh yes, she’s in heaven, but there’s always a little voice that says, “Who in their right mind would ever say to a grieving mother that their child was NOT in heaven?”

Before it was my turn to commentate, the smaller than usual group got to listen to a testimony of the oldest woman in the room, telling us that just about a year ago now she’d been given two weeks to live. She spent those two weeks crying and trying to control every single thing about her and her family’s situation. She finally came to the point of giving it ALL over to God to take care of, and came away with a new understanding that only HE is in control, always has been, and always will be. She has been his instrument for the past year in so many ways serving at her church and of course, Graces of Gurley (where I also volunteer).

Her telling such a personal story calmed me and I decided to share how the above scripture and commentary had taken me back to such a difficult time, but my purpose was to enhance her story by piling on the concept that only God is in control - all the time.

Through more tears than I know I have ever shed publicly, I mentioned the commentary, but told of Morgan’s last night as well. I was the only one with her in the ICU room, as hubby had left for home the afternoon of December 22nd, we being told she’d be fine and released on the 23rd. He’d then come back to the hospital to relieve me and let me get some rest. Those hours from 10pm on the 22nd until 5 am on the 23rd, Morgan spent the night more or less mumbling. It was completely unintelligible. I found it interesting that night because Morgan had never been a big talker. I never got the sense she was trying to talk to me, she was just constantly mumbling.

Sometime between the hours of midnight and maybe 4 am, three intelligible words surfaced at random intervals. Several times she said the word, “Yeah.” One time she said the word, “Alright,” and then she said the word “Mom.” I’d been in a recliner and my ears really perked up at the last one. I ran to her bed and said, “Did you say, mom?” She was not clear-eyed, but she said, “Yeah.” I had felt so relieved knowing that she must now be coming out of whatever delirium she’d been in.

Nothing was the same after 5am when she had the first seizure since the afternoon the day before. The hospital staff was not concerned in the slightest. Things progressively got worse until I was rushed out of her room by a hospital employee right around 7:30 am. At this point I’m texting and phoning people who knew she was in the hospital and asking for prayer - crying, but never for a second entertaining the thought I’d never see her alive again. I was given the news about an hour later that they did not save her. As hubby was still on his way to that Birmingham hospital from Huntsville, God chose the particular hospital employee, who’d rushed me out of the room (and brought me my cell phone), in the short time I’d know him discovered to be a brother in Christ due to the T-shirt he’d selected that morning, to be His hands and feet and hold my crumpled body in his strong arms.

It didn’t take long to realize what the words had meant during the night while she had been in the process of dying, not getting better. She had been interacting with heavenly messengers of some type; I guess perhaps angels. Nobody could possibly tell me that through constant mumbling and unintelligible words that the only clear ones “Yeah”, “Alright”, and “Mom” were not meaningful. If her brain was just shooting around synapses, it would more likely have been something like “car”, “cat” and “baby” right?

I think all of this is one of the reasons that the NDE videos (Near Death Experience) mean so much to me. I heard it happening I think.

The women in last night's study helped alleviate the temporary confusion I’d been feeling again, and I know God’s love and mercy is true. I’ve written about it here often, right? I had briefly mentioned that I knew it was true because of the numerous times He had sent me signs through scripture, song, or nature when I most needed to be assured.

So today.

I’m in a nice lull at work today and for the rest of this week, thus I’m typing this while “working” and posting this evening. I decided to take the dog for her walk at Hays Backside, but I could see as I was approaching the park that it sure had rained a lot more in this area about 8 miles from my house than it had at home. The Flint River had overflowed a lot and the fields nearby were flooded as well as parts of my usual walking trail. I parked in the lot and we headed back out to walk along the road of the flooded fields, toward and through a softball/baseball diamond complex. At the end of that I could turn left (eventual dead end) or right (the parking lot of the complex). I chose left first to get extra walking done.

During this whole walk, I was listening to a sermon from another of my favorite preachers named Gary Hamrick. This is one called Life After Death for anybody who wants to listen to a good sermon. It references Luke 16:19-31 about Jesus speaking about the rich man and Lazarus, and I learned a lot. I’m was at about the 14 minute mark and Gary was speaking about what happened to many families during “covid” when the hospitals went into medieval ways of thinking and wouldn’t allow families to be with their dying loved ones. He emphasized nobody died alone “because the angels carried them to the Lord if they knew the Lord.” At that very moment, a great blue heron flew in front of me right to left. Oh, thank you God, for confirming again what you’ve confirmed many times in many ways before with your scriptures and your signs, your sons and daughters. Thank you for showing me again and again and again. She’s with you now and I will see her again!

Two days ago I’d written that I was curious if the GBH were back or the “drought” would continue. Back out of the baseball/softball complex, headed back to the parking lot of Hays Backside, I see a standing (probably the same one) GBH in the flooded field. Here’s the pictures from distance and zoomed in!

We passed the parking lot and kept walking in the other direction to get even more steps in. Once I arrived back at Hays from that direction, yet another (or the same) GBH. This one is harder to see because it’s not zoomed in, but she’s there above the center of the picture in the thinner strip of water.

She’s there in heaven. She’s here in signs. What a day!