Ramblings

Post 254

Lots of thoughts tonight, but not one cohesive theme.

First and foremost, I have been okay this week. Sometimes I intuitively understand that it is the prayers you all say for me that are keeping me strong. Those “beams of light” are encircling my soul. For the most part, I stay to certain routes, and know where to place my gaze if I’m going to be seeing a wreath, Christmas trees, etc. I just don’t want to allow myself to be “triggered.” (There’s that dreaded word again. BUT IT FITS.)

In my own house, I had a couple fall decorations up, and they will stay in place. If I can't sleep until January, I can pretend it’s not December. In the evening, I have taken to watching Survivor on Prime. It doesn't take any concentration and there are NO commercials. Just something with some humor that is decently entertaining.

My brain has been mush in the evenings because for the past four work days, I’ve had to bury my head in spreadsheets non-stop, trying to figure out 2024 PO amounts for dozens of countries, doing my best to estimate the client’s needs. I was very stressed each and every day, but I got done today.

I think many people would not have spent near the amount of time or energy on these, but I always knew to do my best.

‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

[23] Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Morgan has been in my dreams a couple times this past week. The first one she had short hair and I can't remember anything else. The second one I think she was reading or commenting on a devotion, and that’s also all I can remember. It’s nice to see her.

I had breakfast with W3 on Saturday. One thing became so clear. Her beautiful daughter Kristin, was from here and lived almost all of her adult life here. She was close to hundreds of people, many of whom still regularly comment about missing her on Facebook or other means. She was a joy to everyone who knew her. W3 is reminded daily how much Kristin is missed.

Morgan spent her first five years in California, age 5-18 in Ohio, and her adult life in Birmingham. Her friend groups changed for different times in her life, and although she impacted people most assuredly for the better, most people probably don't think of her daily. That is NOT true for her friend Emily who was one of the speakers at Morgan's Celebration of Life. They had lived apart since Mo was 17, but they were always there for each other regardless. Just after Thanksgiving, Emily texted Mo, telling her how much she is missed every single day. I could not help myself and texted Emily from my own phone, and now we are going to try to stay in better communication with each other. It will be good for both of us. She has been living in NYC for the past six years, so nobody she hangs out with knew Mo at all.

So this week, the “busy” and “avoidance” strategies are working quite well, and I don't see a reason to change. I feel my heart is somewhat hardened. I think it is because I am so dreading the sad sad feelings that will overtake me once I allow an inch.

I hope you all are happy and healthy and living grateful lives.

[22] Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. [23] Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror [24] and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. [25] But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

‭‭James‬ ‭1:22‭-‬25‬ ‭NIV‬‬