Nightly Gathering

Open Thread Post 133 - Combined-Hypocracy

For the first time I'm combining the Nightly Gathering to the longer weekend post. I wasn't sure what I was going to write about this weekend, but as the afternoon wore on it became clear.

The day started great. I met my new friend from the While We're Waiting group for breakfast and the two hours we talk feels more like only 30 minutes have passed. Her daughter died only six weeks before Mo, so our emotions are in similar places overall.

When I returned I needed to do some cleaning, but couldn't motivate myself yet, and since I had so thoroughly enjoyed the hike yesterday, I wanted more of that! The dog and I had a great hike (different place), and the breakfast was still energizing so I then did some yardwork.

Right about 3:00 I was beginning to get hungry so I pulled a piece of leftover grilled boneless chicken breast out of the fridge. Oh how I wish I'd just been a little uncouth and taken bites off the whole, but no, I had to be civilized and cut it into strips. Ooops! Left index finger slice-o-rama.

I've posted previously, not long ago, and even talked to my friend yesterday saying I wouldn't want to go to the doctor anymore because I'm so upset about how their terrible decision making led to my daughter's death. (In my defense I said I know there are some great ones out there, too). I'm sure it's probably the same good to bad ratio as in every profession.

But I am a giant hypocrite because I knew right away that this was more than pressure and a bandage would fix. Hubby was away swimming, so I drove myself to the Urgent Care. 315 and not a car in the lot? Were they closed? The door hours said they were open but it even looked dim inside as I peered through from my driver's seat. Well, I might as well try! I parked, walked up, and the door opened!

My timing was excellent (at first) .What luck! The policy for this kind of thing was to also get an x-ray, but I said I knew it wasn't that deep, and no thank you. The doctor looked at it before I did the admitting paperwork/ipad and agreed it looked like 3 stitches would fix it.

Since substack will put a thumbnail of any first picture I post here, I will save the stomachs of any squeamish readers and post a cute pic of when Mo was little.

But following that is something kinda cool so don't view the link if you don't like blood.

The PCT (patient care tech) (Mo was this in 2021) prepared this little cuppa something and said we were going to soak my finger before the doctors would numb then stitch it. She poured some pink liquid and water. I asked, and now know this was a surgical scrub solution.

I stuck my finger in and the blood was just oozing in the water. It looked so cool, she grabbed my phone for me, and even called another PCT over to see it. Sorry it's a little topsy turvy. At about second 8 it stabilizes. (Highlight the link then select open. It's public so should work for everyone)

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aMzNL9nDjxyPlLHcqbonGtRUPFaH4cxQ/view?usp=drivesdk

So as we are mere minutes from my stitches, an emergency happens! They ushered me into another room instead of behind a curtain, while they dealt with a man who needed the bed I'd had, and appeared to be in the midst of a heart attack. I heard every single word of what took place, and they called EMS right away who got there within a couple minutes, and I also heard everything they did. 100% caring and 100% professional by everyone involved. They took the 42 year old man away.

I knew then I'd have to write about my hypocracy. Not only did I use the medical establishment when I'd said I'd avoid it, but obviously most people do care and do their jobs well.

It took a very long time to get back to me. I moved back to behind the curtain, but time ticked by and I sat staring at an AED machine hanging on the wall and having so many questions about why they couldn't save Morgan. I also pictured Mo both taking care of patients as a PCT and in the future as a PA (Physician's Assistant - her goal) Tears formed and I cried into a tissue for a bit.

The doctor was a very nice woman and as she came in and we talked about the man with the possible heart attack briefly, I asked her if I could ask her a couple questions off topic. My tears dropped out but I asked her about intubation and how that would be, or is it even related to cardiac arrest, and if so, why wouldn't they shock someone? She gave me an answer I could understand and I realize it's the first of any kind of answer about anything relating to what happened that morning that I've even gotten! ( I'd had to give her a bit more info for her to give me a good answer). You know what she said? “I Can't Imagine.”

It ruins some fun plans I'd had to go kayaking on Monday. I just can't risk microorganisms getting in. She heavily advised against it. The question is, will I wait all the way until Monday to do that cleaning now?

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions: Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won’t ever walk out and fail to return. If he works severely, he also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense. He takes no pleasure in making life hard, in throwing roadblocks in the way:

Lamentations 3:28‭-‬33 MSG