Grief is a meandering hiking trail. I like hiking metaphors and used them extensively in the podcasts that 12-year old character Tyrone gives in The Rebel's Hike, a book recently published by myself and Sophie Swinford, a teen I mentor through the Graces of Gurley organization near Huntsville, AL.
Many of you know that I hike quite a bit. Not only is it a good physical experience, but I almost always come away with new outlooks on why hiking is the same as going through life.
Grief at the beginning is like being told you have to climb a giant boulder right in front of you. You can't move onto other parts of the trail until you take on that boulder. The only way to climb the boulder is with the help of other people, no matter the form it takes (practical and prayer), and no matter how long it takes. Going around the boulder doesn't count. Going around is dealing with grief using unhealthy habits and not allowing yourself to deal with the pain.
You make it over or around the boulder when you are able to go back to a weird state of normalcy. You can cook a meal. You can answer an email. Your heart is shattered, but somehow you realize you have a life you need to attend to, and so you do.
The hiking trail is then different for every person. Some get a nice flat area to coast on, others have steady inclines and declines, up and down, up and down, up and down. Everyone has roots and rocks that are sometimes tripped over. No two hikes are alike, even if hiking the trail of grieving the same person.
On this 2-year anniversary of Morgan moving into the next realm, I am better today than I was a couple days ago - Thursday and Friday especially, because those were the actual days of the week I was last with her. I really had no choice except to relive each moment and picture how I could change things to prevent the outcome. It bothered me a lot two years ago, too, but I was reminded that only God is omniscient. If I had known, of course I would have done some things differently. It was and is easy to accept that I’m not omniscient.
I am blessed on my hiking trail because the grief trails of a couple other people intersect with my trail a lot. Their trails run fairly parallel and we often call out to each other encouraging words and even pointing out an interesting vista, or an especially beautiful or strange bird or other animal. If we’re in close enough proximity, we can leave our own trails and help each other when help is needed to make it up an incline, or help getting up after a nasty fall.
Just like two years ago, last year, and at the steep inclines of Morgan’s missed birthdays and Mother’s Days, I am completely lifted up now by those helping me. Not only the ladies on the grief trails, but all of the hikers on life trails near mine. I feel once again, the prayers many of you have prayed, and are praying for me and my family. They are working! Thank you!
I feel the worst of this most recent incline is over. I can see it’s still going up, not down yet, but I see the peak now. Tonight extended family will remember her with Chipotle, and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ve been granted permission by their parents for the 10-year old, two 8-year olds, and 6-year old to be the ones to find the patrons they want to hand the memorial gift cards to. I will explain to them they are helping us make Morgan live on right here on Earth, even though she is no longer physically present. I hope it becomes a yearly tradition.
Chipotle gift cards actually have a little envelope, so I can write “In Memory of Mo March 14, 1998 - December 23, 2022”
Okay, just typing that made me tear up. Up up up…
If you decide to memorialize Morgan, or any other person you may choose to, thank you! If you feel like it, snap a pic of you enjoying your food and email it to therebelshike@proton.me. I’d love to capture this yearly blessing.
Now, I’m going to end with just a bit of uncanny humor. Proton mail has a little crown for the icon when there is a notification. On Thursday or Friday, I updated my lock screen to one of my favorite pictures of Morgan. On Saturday at 4:50 pm when I used my phone for some reason, you can see the proton notification puts the crown at the exact correct place for this picture.
Another wonderful thing! When I went to Amazon just now to capture the hyperlink above for the book, I noticed with great joy that somebody named Ray put in a review this morning!! Thank you, Ray, whoever you are.
My other substack
Thanks for this positive post. I have been thinking about you during this time. You, G and E are in my prayers every night. Much love, Jane
She's wearing a crown!! Happy 2025 my dear friend!