I wonder what’s happening. For the past year now, strange things have occurred around me. I don’t even know how to write about this anymore. This kind of metaphysical weirdness is out of my comfort zone, and I do not know why it happens, or if I should attribute it to God, angels, or Morgan herself. It’s not nothing.
The biggest part of me thinks it’s her, although I don’t know how to square that with her being in heaven. Some of the stuff has been silly, and she always had a good sense of humor. I have talked to God about this on many occasions, and I know he would take it away from me if it was doing me harm. I don’t see how it is doing me harm.
I’ve told a few people about the last couple in December, which were both very physical. As of right now, I’ve only told my cousin about this one. I had to tell somebody first thing in the morning!
I am not doing seances, speaking with mediums, or in any way, shape, or form trying to conjure her into my presence to speak with her. These things just happen as I am going about my day, or night as in the case I’m about to describe, and it’s more a matter of noticing crazy things that until 2024 just didn’t occur in my life. (She died late 2022, and only 1 strange thing in all of 2023 - a sweet smell out of nowhere suddenly coming from our ceiling fan.)
First, I’ll start with the fact that I’m really exploring music for the first time in my life. Since high school, I have mostly listened to the hits from the 60s through the 90s, with Christian contemporary music also thrown in from 2003 onward. On my way back from Ohio this past summer, on the Queen Pandora station, I discovered the artist Jelly Roll, who I seem to not be able to get enough of. There are a few of his older songs I like, but I “thumbs up” almost all of the songs on his newest album, Beautifully Broken. On the Jelly Roll Pandora station, I’ve discovered several other artists I enjoy now. One particular song, Beautiful Things, by Benson Boone, plays a couple times a day it seems, and after I began really listening to the words in August or September, I realized it seemed to fit my son’s life, except he was missing “the girl.” I’d say a quick prayer each time, “Oh Lord, I hope you open that door soon for him,” or words like that.
Well, as I posted here, he met “the girl” in November. As I heard the song in December, I just felt happy for my son and his girl. She is great. At the end of December, I shared the song with him and let him know what I thought. He agreed.
Every so often I decide to listen to a Near Death Experience (NDE) on my walk. They are not all good. If they are titled with anything about past lives or otherwise begin talking about reincarnation in any way, I skip or stop and find a new one. That’s what happened to me yesterday. I had not visited The Spot, a tree where a small container of Morgan’s ashes are hidden, in a couple weeks, and that was the walk I was on. I was listening to this NDE (Man Dies In Crash; Discovers Truth About Guilt And Forgiveness In Emotional NDE).
Unbelievably, he dozed off while driving for just a few seconds, but enough that he crashed, and it left him extremely injured, and killed his wife and youngest son. His 7-year old son basically walked away unhurt.
While I was at The Spot, I said very heartfelt words to God and Morgan, and shed some tears. But I also said words to the effect, “I still don’t understand what all this weird stuff that happens is, but I guess if it is Mo, or about Mo, just keep it coming. I like it. It makes me not miss her quite as much.”
I went on with the rest of my day and evening, which included going to a Women’s Bible Study, not giving the earlier part of the day much more thought. I was reading a fiction book at night before bed when my phone notification sounded. Our Bible Study group is doing the Bible Recap with Tera-Leigh Cobble, and the current chapters are all in the book of Job. I’ve loved that book since I was a kid, and I think it influenced greatly the worldview I’ve always had, but yet I’m learning a lot. The notification was one of the members sharing a song (Where Were You) with the group about Job, and I really liked it, so I decided to find the name of that group, Ghost Ship, on Pandora after I listened to it. I added this song to my “thumbs up” playlist, which I hadn’t even known existed. It had 152 songs on it! I had only listened to that one song, finished reading for the night, closed out my phone apps, which was on 96% charged, and went to sleep around 10:00-10:30 pm.
I was dreaming, about what I no longer remember, but there must have been music in my dream, but then I awoke suddenly to music playing softly, as if I was still in my dream. In my transition from sleep to consciousness, I understood it was coming from my phone on the bedside table. I picked it up and was stunned to see that “Beautiful Things” was nearly done playing. Here’s the screenshot.
It was 1:28 am according to the picture details, and there were only 32 more seconds of that song until it would flip to another. How it started playing by itself is anybody’s guess. That song? Out of 152 “thumbs up” and thousands more it could randomly play? Phone was still at 96%. What do you think? How can you explain this? I didn’t “need” to hear from God or Mo right then to make me feel better. I was feeling great about God, and great about Mo being with Him, even though I miss her greatly. What is this all about?
There was no going back to sleep for quite a while after this. As is my usual routine now if I wake and can’t sleep again right away, I pray for people I know, I pray for the readers of this substack, I pray and pray, even though my mind will also sometimes wander. Still not sleeping, I also use a routine of starting at 100 and saying “thank you” after every number down to 1 and start again if I need to. I think I’m asleep by at least the third round. My mind does not wander doing that, and according to research, gratitude creates new neural pathways, reinforcing a sense of well-being, and shifting our outlook from what’s missing to what’s remaining. As Dr. Lee Warren says, “It’s Self-Brain-Surgery.”
The Rebel’s Hike is now up on Audible (finally). Thank you to those who have purchased the book, subscribed to The Rebel's Hike Continues, and have or plan to write positive reviews. Sophie and I are looking forward to seeing what God does with our book.
So lovely to hear this story Joan.
Days after my father passed away (2004) my cell phone was on my nightstand. I was still awake. Suddenly it lit up like a call was coming in. But there was no call. I just accepted it as God letting me know my father was there in His kingdom.
Daddy didn’t accept Christ until he was older (40’s I think). He witnessed to many before he passed at the age of 84. 🥰
First of all, I love your line about the self brain surgery, how neat! I’m going to try your trick of falling asleep! Thanks!
Whatever is going on with you I think God is blessing you with comfort and blessings that only He can control and only you understand. I think God knows you need this and He provides it. He is so loving and you are so faithful. You have a unique relationship and as God knows every hair on your head he also knows what brings you the most comfort and joy. Love you, my friend. Thank you for praying for me!