I Don't Like This
Post 238
Hi everyone. I don't want to let any more time go by before writing another post. This one will not be upbeat, as right now I just don't have it in me. I remember adamantly saying a couple months back that “I’m not depressed” and I was correct then. Self-diagnosing, I would say I am now. It’s terrible.
I thought I was on the upswing a few times, and there have been multiple sets of hours when I’m distracted enough that I feel good, but then it seems to seep right back in.
It is the time of year doing this to me, and I need to only think of Christmas upcoming and it brings on pain and usually tears. Part of the problem is knowing that Christmas is so far away and dreading feeling like this for so long. I’ve begun having nightmares. This morning I contacted my counselor and he got me in today - late afternoon. He is going to help me with specific plans and ideas to alleviate this.
I must say that my faith is as strong as ever, and my hubby has also been a rock.💜 Last week W3 sent me this.
I decided to look up that author, and that particular book is free on Kindle Unlimited. It’s a very short book and it was helpful. That book led me to finding another very short book below that I’m also finding helpful and would recommend.
Saturday morning I did the Lost Sink hike and got a couple revelations. You know how nature has meant so much to me, making me aware of God’s great love through some pretty crazy timing sometimes. On Saturday it had more to do with the strangers on the trail at the same time. Everyone was cordial, helpful, and gracious and I needed that. They actually inspired me in another plot point for my book. I also decided that the book will be dedicated to Morgan and I plan to share the dedication here first, hopefully soon.
The holidays are always bittersweet for those of us who suffered loss. Your loss happening during this time must be extremely difficult, my friend. I am glad that you are making plans for this. Another lawyer I follow, shared that he lost his brother to suicide and his mother started an organization to help her deal with her own significant and palpable grief. Here is their website: https://www.ericshouse.org/.
My prayers for your family and for all our families.
You were on my mind so much this morning. Praying that you will receive tremendous comfort from the Holy Spirit and the Body of Christ.
Very understandable to be feeling that way, any time, but especially this time of year. Even though the days have been difficult, it sounds like you are moving in a good direction and are seeking the Lord diligently.