I Can't Imagine - Part 1

I know I have titled this blog “I Can’t Imagine” in reference to what my own reaction was in the past, and what many people’s reactions are when they hear that somebody lost a child.  It is one of the first thoughts, and as I explained in my first ever post, really I never, and most people never really try to imagine.  It’s just too upsetting.  It is a fleeting thought and there’s no reason to try to imagine the pain.  No reason at all! But now I can tell you what “I Can’t Imagine” refers to when I hear the words.  I can’t imagine how people who don’t know the same loving, personal, God that I do, grieve this unimaginable loss.  What can they possible do or say to comfort themselves?

I decided to do a little research this past week to see how these people deal with grief.  It was actually very hard to get this question answered.  As those of you who regularly read this blog know, one of the only things that keeps me going and gives me any peace at all about losing Morgan, is that she is now with God, in heaven, with no more sorrow and no more pain.  She’s now living her BEST life - it’s just not here anymore.

Before I get to the research, I need to backfill a little more about myself.  I was raised in a Lutheran Church.  That means I was baptized as an infant and during the Sacrament, the whole church agrees that they will help that child be raised in a loving, Christian environment.  This was my life.  I went to a suburban Sunday School, Bible school in the summer, church camps, and Catechism classes in junior high.  One of the things done in a Lutheran church service every Sunday (at least it used to be this way and I honestly don’t know if it still is), is the recitation of either the Apostle’s Creed or if it is a Communion Sunday, the Nicene Creed. (I will post both of these at the end of today’s essay)

Every single Sunday you declare your beliefs publicly as a group, and I never took those creeds lightly once I understood them.  In Catechism, we had either the Pastor or a teacher (one was my mom; therefore I spent a lot of time not listening to her), but obviously we learned the creeds and what they meant, along with the Lord’s Prayer, and other Lutheran doctrines.  At the end of 8^th grade in 1979, I got confirmed.   This was a big deal for many Christian families back then.  There was a party where all the relatives came, a giant bakery ordered sheet cake, and Christian-themed presents.  Looking back at all of it, I know I did not 100% completely understand the commitment I was publicly making, but I knew that God was love and that every person in my life believed it and showed love to me to the best of their abilities.  My cousins, whether Lutheran or another Protestant denomination, had similar experiences.  All of our neighbors and friends went to church as far as I knew.   It was expected of me and I followed along just loving life.  I knew “Jesus Loved Me” because I had sang the song since kindergarten. I knew we should tell people about Jesus because we sang, “Go Tell it on the Mountain” at Christmas.  I knew we should act the way Jesus did because “They’ll Know We are Christians by Our Love.”  As a side note, many of the people who reached out to me after Christmas in those first few days after Morgan passed, are those very same past students from that church!  Let me know in the comments if you know the songs I just mentioned.

I know in some denominations; they feel it is important to pick a time when you know you “gave your life to Jesus.”  They do alter calls where a person can go publicly and declare their choice and be prayed for. I didn’t know about this type of practice until at the age of 16, on the evening before we entered a Young Life (Christian) camp called Silver Cliff Ranch in the Rocky Mountains, a car pulled up and scared me and my Lutheran girlfriends by asking us if we knew we would go to heaven if we died that night.  The funny thing is, we didn’t!  We literally ran back to the hotel to our Pastor and anxiously told him what had just happened, and he informed us about what had just taken place, and assured us of our salvation.  The camp itself was magnificent and it WAS the first time I FELT close to God emotionally.  One night, after an evening skit and “talk,” we were told to go out, find a spot by ourselves and reflect.  I did just that.  I looked up at the gazillion stars and said to God, “Okay, if this is all real, could you just give me a sign?  Could I see a shooting star?”  (I never had).  Immediately, I saw my first ever shooting star.   I realize an unbeliever would respond to this and say, “Well, you were high up in the Rockys and there are shooting stars all the time.”  So what!  I saw my first when I asked. and it was MY answer.

Several of my girlfriends and a few boys had also been moved that night and when we got back to Ohio, we were emotionally “on fire” for God.  We had changed.  Something was different for all of us.  Again, as Lutherans, there had never been emotion to our beliefs, but an understanding.  It was exciting to feel it. For awhile at least, many of us stopped behaviors that could get us in trouble.  I started reading the Bible on my own; “just because”; not because I was told to look something up.  God’s Word began to speak to me, as it will for ANYBODY whose heart is in the right place.

There are so many wildly different Christian denominations who all practice their beliefs in a myriad of ways.  The one basic tenant of all of them is that God is actually a Trinity and that Jesus was crucified in our place.  All are sinful and fall short of the perfection that God requires to be in His presence.  No human can do it no matter what.  Because God loves us and wants us in His presence for eternity, he made A WAY, which was coming to Earth himself and showing us the life he would like us to live, as well as taking the punishment of our sins FOR US.  God isn’t JUST LOVE. He is also JUST.  Somebody has to pay for the awful things we do and say when we hurt others who God created and loves.  Hurting them is hurting Him.  We must take the punishment or accept that He already did.  For many many people, pride gets in the way in one form or another, and they won’t accept the gift.

Now that you have the background, I’ll tell you about what I watched and read.  It seems that most atheists have been very badly hurt by Christians from Christian churches.  I cannot tell you what denominations these people had in their backgrounds, but the things that some people said and did to them, in the name of Jesus, was terrible.  It left me thankful that I had been raised a Lutheran, where there was no pressure to perform.

The first YouTube video was basically misnamed for what the content was.  It was named “Grieving Without Believing.”  No need to give you a link.  All it really showed was non-stop Christian bashing.  It did not give any suggestions to people.  It was full of what were supposed to be funny cuts from famous Pastors declaring things that this “Belief it or Not” atheist podcast group puts up.  First, their intellect seemed like that of junior high.  Their arguments against the clips they chose to be funny, were silly and weak.  I wanted to write a comment and say this to them and perhaps will someday.  “This is your life.  You might want to dig a little deeper.  There are a lot of resources that answer these silly “talking points” you make but you sound childish and you are an adult. Use a higher level of intellect and do some actual research and your questions will be answered.”  Something like that.

The second “Grief Without Religion” was also bashing religion – well, only Christianity.  They wouldn’t dare touch a “protected group.” A woman called in to their podcast I guess. Her call was about grieving a cat and they talked about cats while making fun of Christianity.  The advice they gave was the exact same advice to give to anybody. “Be thankful for what you had with that cat.  Cherish the memories, get another cat and give all the love you can to that next lucky cat.”  They acted like those who believe in the afterlife are “good to go” with their grieving because of the “sky daddy” they don’t personally believe in.  All people, whether believing or not, have certain emotions and psychological steps that have to be endured and processed.

The third was the worst, but the one I understood the most.  It was also titled “Grief Without Religion” and the podcast of another atheist. This woman interviewed apparently a “very famous atheist.” This guy grew up in the church, his dad was a Pastor, his own career had been Christian centered, and he got to the age of 35 before he ever asked himself if he actually believed what he was espousing.  People, do not do that!  God tells us to love Him with our whole heart, soul, MIND, and strength.  He did not give us our great minds to mindlessly do ANYTHING we are told to do by others.  He wants us to read His Word for ourselves and study it, so that we know what is expected by Him; not by man.

Mark 12:30-31

^{NIV 30} Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’^{[a] 31} The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”

He had a very bad experience with his father rejecting him as a person when he became an atheist.  This Pastor seemed not to be able to love his own son if he was “going to go to hell.”  Very very sad and NOT what Jesus would do.  When his father eventually passed away, the funeral was not much about the man’s life, but more about getting people to be “saved.”  I can understand the anger that this would evoke if that is what really happened.  Where is the love of that very verse? 

The other guest on this show was a woman author and licensed therapist who also had been raised in various denominations including the cult-like Jehovah’s Witnesses.  Also in her middle ages, she questioned her beliefs and the ways the Christians around her conducted themselves, and turned to “logic” instead. Now she is an atheist activist along with being an activist for every earthly bodily characteristic you can imagine.  She had lost a man who had been her high school sweetheart.  Both had moved on from high school and had married and divorced other people, but were in the midst of resuming their old love affair when he died suddenly in a car accident.

I know everybody grieves differently so I can only compare HER to ME.  She suffered, not able to resume any type of normal life for almost a year before she had some normalcy back.  As the anniversary of his death neared, she began to suffer in the same ways again.  All I could think of is, “Is that not hell on earth?”   That is no way to live.  She too had been accosted by well-meaning Christians who told her they would pray for her, hugged her, etc.  She allowed other people their intentions, but it was no longer for her.  The host of the podcast, a woman who had lost her dad a couple years earlier, explained how the only friend she had confided in at her place of employment, who knew she was an atheist, gathered up co-workers to hug her and lay hands on her to pray for her when she was upset about the imminent passing of her father.  What?  People – don’t do that!

I had NONE of these types of experiences and I ask myself why? Is it certain denominations that are pushy and I’m not around any of these types of people?  Possibly. 

Why have I not suffered severely at the loss of MY DAUGHTER?  I can tell you two reasons.  One, because over the years of my life, some closer to God than others, some where I read the Bible more and others where I barely read it at all, I always knew that God was FOR ME. I had researched from early college on to see if I believed the way my family did.  I read ‘Mere Christianity’ by C.S. Lewis, I kept a copy of “More Than a Carpenter” by Josh McDowell in the house.  When I learned the word apologetics, I read articles and books on such to make sure I could get my questions answered.  I would have doubt. I’m human.  But God allows for doubt but asks us to keep on going.  Keep on trying.  Keep on doing your best to act like Jesus did on earth.  Which was?  Love, serve, forgiveness, and anger at hypocrisy!

Another thing that Lutherans didn’t speak much of in all my formative years was Satan.  I didn’t come across much talk or knowledge of Satan until a book was recommended to me in 2005 called Battlefield of the Mind, by Joyce Meyer.  That book, at that time, changed my life.  I have referred back to it and recommended it to people throughout the years. I always have just wanted to KNOW GOD MORE.

When the worst imaginable thing happened to me on December 23, 2022, the one who I’d grown so close to over the years, with my heart, soul, MIND, and strength, came alongside me AS my daughter was departing THIS world.  He chose for me two of his children to be near me. These were total strangers, yet a brother and a sister (in Christ). I’d only found out the brother was a Christian an hour earlier and it was solely based on the t-shirt that “he had chosen” to wear that morning.  On the back was a Bible verse from Isaiah (and I don’t know which one!) along with something that had been an event of some sort.  I had literally asked him if he was a Christian based on that; which is very unlike me, but my emotions were somewhat high and it made me curious I guess. At the time I asked him we were just bantering.  There was no medical emergency whatsoever.  Thirty minutes later when we were praying together when they were trying to save Morgan from her very sudden unexpected medical emergency, he told me God had to have chosen that shirt.  WHERE DO OUR THOUGHTS AND DECISIONS LIKE THAT COME FROM?

The sister had been in the waiting room when the nurse had come in to give me an update and tell me they were still working to save Mo.  I was obviously upset, and this sister ASKED, if she could come over and pray with me. She, me, and our brother grabbed hands and she said a beautiful prayer.  They were both still there for me when the worst news came from the doctor another half hour later.

I know you might be wondering why my hubby was not there.  We were told our daughter was NOT IN ANY PHYSICAL danger during her hospital stay.  He was on his way back to the hospital when all of this took place.

Honestly, halfway through this, I put Part 1 at the top and realized there would be a Part 2.  I have one more thing I want to add for Part 2, but I will also incorporate anything any of you might say in the comments from Part 1 as well.  I’m sorry. I’m too tired to go on right now and I want to get up a Nightly Gathering Post later as well.  Here are the creeds:

Apostles' Creed

I believe in God,
the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth,
and in Jesus Christ, his only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died and was buried;
he descended into hell;
on the third day he rose again from the dead;
he ascended into heaven,
and is seated at the right hand of God the Father almighty;
from there he will come to judge the living and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and life everlasting.

Amen.

(As I learned in Catechism class, the word ‘catholic’ above means universal)

The Nicene Creed

We believe in one God,
the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth,
of all that is,
seen and unseen.
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,
the only Son of God,
eternally begotten of the Father,
God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God,
begotten, not made,
of one Being with the Father;
through him all things were made.
For us and for our salvation he came down from heaven,
was incarnate from the Holy Spirit and the Virgin Mary
and was made man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered death and was buried.
On the third day he rose again
in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven
and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit,
the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son,
who with the Father and the Son is worshipped and glorified,
who has spoken through the prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come.
Amen