"I Can Only Imagine"

Post 298

Hello. I’m not sure I can say the title phrase in reference to the song without putting it in quotes. The song I Can Only Imagine, by Mercy Me, is an older song released in 2001. I didn’t come across it until 2003 when I moved to Ohio and heard about KLOVE radio station from one of my oldest friends who lived there. I guess I knew contemporary Christian songs existed, as I had listened to a singer named Sandi Patty for a while in college, and then Amy Grant, who also became a pop crossover with Peter Cetera, of the band Chicago, in 1991 with The Next Time I Fall in Love and then by herself with Baby Baby. Those around my age probably remember those songs as they were on the radio a lot. So basically, in the years between 1985 and 2003, the only Christian songs I sang were hymns in church or the catchy youth group or Sunday School songs, that still stick with me, like They'll Know We Are Christians By Our Love and Pass It On As you can see, I’ve linked these for any reader who is either unfamiliar and curious, or those who want to take a trip down memory lane. I decided to link older versions, the way I sang them instead of remakes, of the last two.

“I Can Only Imagine” was a huge hit. It was also a crossover and could be heard on multiple types of radio stations in the Cincinnati area. It evokes a lot of memories of being in the car with the kids, driving from place to place. It was on the radio for many years and still is from time to time.

Today I put Pandora on in the background while I worked. I have it playing on the TV in the bedroom, across the hall from the office. Even though I enjoy quite a few Christian singers and groups, I definitely do not like all of them. I had to get up several times to forward to something I liked. “I Can Only Imagine” ended up in the lineup so I decided to listen. That became a “trigger” to the car memories mentioned above, and wham, grief and tears hit. My daughter doesn’t have to imagine. She’s there. What is she doing? And what WILL I do when I finally get there?

This grief took me by surprise because yesterday I got an amazing sign that kept a smile on my face all day. I wasn’t going to write about it, at least until later, because I wanted to share it with my cousin first. Oh, well. She lost a son less than seven months after Morgan passed. She is on the same wavelength as me, being aware of anomalies in life that seem to be signs of them. I cannot state the sign is “from Morgan,” as I do not know. It could be from God or an angel. Who knows? But I have received many of these occurrences throughout this year - yesterday just being the latest -and these things are out of the ordinary and were very rare in my life prior to 2023.

I woke up yesterday morning, walked into the office to turn on my computer, and as I walked out my office door to go make the coffee, I glanced at the stand that held the photos that had occasionally moved (and the little vase/still there, photos put away) and I reminisced about those photos in that instant, wishing for her presence.

We keep a Brita water pitcher next to the Keurig to fill the reservoir as needed. Right there, on top of the water pitcher was Morgan’s old voter information card. Her card, mine, and hubby’s, from a few years ago, were under a magnet together on the side of the fridge above the counter. I just kept them there. I don’t know why. We know where to vote now, but I just never threw them away. My very first instinct was to move it back, but then my brain kicked in to, “why is this here?” I took a picture, went to move it, yet it was almost impossible to put back because the fridge was so tight against the wall.

I begin to question myself. It is not possible for this to have fallen if the fridge is so tight against the wall. And in my life, I notice things that are “about to come undone.” Surely I would notice if one of the cards was dangling in a way it would come loose from the magnet at some point either the day or within the week before. A smile broke out on my face. “Okay. You made a visit. I’m so glad!”

My hubby doesn’t like to listen to my “sightings.” He doesn’t buy it, even though he’s been involved in a few himself that he cannot explain. A little while later, I decided to go ahead and ask him, risking his irritation. He claims he, himself, put the card on the water pitcher. He said he saw it on the kitchen floor the night before, so that’s where he placed it. I have lived with him for over 35 years, and I think I have a pretty good sense of when the truth is being.. shall I say “hidden?” His demeanor wasn’t right. I didn’t make a big deal of it because it could be true, but then I realized it didn’t matter if he was stretching reality a bit. There is no way that card came loose on its own. Whether he put it on the pitcher or not, oh well. The card was on the floor! I was happy “she” had visited or God arranged for a way for me to feel her.

Watch how tight (click this link to see it could not have fallen on its own)

Fast forward to last night’s Bible Study, where we are doing a deep dive of the book of Hebrews. One of the ladies mentioned again, as she had done a time or two before, about a church in Birmingham, AL whose sermons she insists are amazing. She texted me the link to their apple podcasts last night. I decided to give it a go on today’s walk

Boy was she right. Here’s the link for anybody who wants a good sermon, just over a half-hour long. About three-fourths the way through, it actually brought more tears. During the study last night, we ended up discussing that it can be difficult to navigate the area between grace and responsibilities for our children. I have felt a lot of remorse for being both not graceful enough and too graceful, depending on the situation. During those child-raising years, one of my feet was firmly planted in the ways of the world, and my priorities were not always in my children’s best interest. When your child is gone, one cannot help but wonder what you could have, or should have, done differently. What could have changed the outcome? (Counselors advise heavily NOT to go there so I typically don’t, but sometimes those thoughts try to eek in.)

In the sermon, some of God’s most mighty saints are listed out in the Hebrews passage. Saints who moved God’s story forward. The part that got me crying was hearing him say that these saints all had such mighty flaws, too, which he also listed out. No, we can’t be perfect, and we are not expected to be. He uses those of us who are WILLING to be used to bring him glory in our weaknesses. That’s the whole point of it all.

The sermon got over and since I still had five minutes left, I switched over to Pandora and Can You Imagine what song came on?

Update on our elderly cat, Milo. He still doesn’t eat much although I offer him amazing samples of real people food. Cream, fish, chicken, cheese. He’ll be interested for a few bites but not for the long haul. Somehow he is still acting normal. We’re just enjoying him while we still have him. We won’t let him suffer when it gets to that point.

Update on “The Rebel’s Hike.” Thanks to those who have already subscribed! There seems to have been a communication snafu between myself and my author rep, so I believe it will now be delayed further. If you haven’t had a chance to see what the book and new substack page are about, please click this link.