How is it possible that I've become accustomed to having a daughter no longer on this earth? There is pain thinking about her not being here every day, but the pain is tolerable and I mostly have a life similar to what it was prior to December 23rd.
Do I feel stronger because time has healed my heart somewhat?
Yes.
Do I feel stronger because people have told me they still pray for us and those prayers are being answered?
Yes.
Do I feel stronger because even though she is missed, I know she is in a better place, and as a mom that makes me happy for her?
Yes.
I never could have imagined that life would go on much as before, at least for daily activities. What I no longer get and miss the most? Updates to what she's doing! I always knew what Morgan had going on, and that is what I miss the most. That is how my life has changed the most. I want to know.
One of the friends in Ohio gave me a book called 7 Lessons From Heaven by Mary C. Neal, M.D., who had both a NDE and lost a son. She knows it from both ends. I'm enjoying the book especially because I feel like I get maybe a couple “what she's doing” questions answered.
I don't know if I'll continue writing daily. I don't know what more there is to say. Maybe daily is too much now. Have I really processed what I am able to? Am I close to shore thinking I'm safe now, but a tsunami might arrive down the road sometime?
These are the questions I'm now pondering.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NIV
You do what is good for you. If you can’t write everyday at this point, that is okay. We will miss you until you are ready. I think our God has plans for you. Sending love and prayers.
write when you need to or want to share.