Fighting the Blues
Post 237
I’m spending a lot more time fighting the blues than I have in a while. It only takes a mere thought in my head to get my throat tight and my eyes dripping tears. Today the weather is pretty perfect, so this has nothing to do with my environment. I seem to be less able to concentrate on where Morgan is, and more time thinking back to what was going on this time 3 years ago, 2 years ago, 1 year ago. How it is possible that she’s NOT HERE? I miss her so much!
I have fought wallowing in self-pity. I want to be grateful for all of the wonderful people and circumstances in my life, but I guess a point gets reached when the incredulousness and sadness builds up and has to be released.
This week I seem to have extra time in my day because my job ebbs and flows, and there is so much constructive stuff I should be doing. Bathrooms needs to be cleaned, yardwork is never-ending, work on my book, but I am unable to motivate myself. AT ALL. This would make more sense to me if it was gray and rainy outside. I know people say to go ahead and feel the sadness, but I don’t want to be sad. I want to be who I’ve been - able to move forward with positive thoughts, paying the gift she was forward. Where did I go?
Praying for you and your family daily. I think grief is like that, it comes in fits and spurts. It is okay to have these moments and days. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
I hope this evening finds you feeling better than you did during the day. I’ll be praying for you and I’m confident that you have the endurance and the character and then the hope which does not disappoint, because it is based on the love of Christ which is poured into your very heart. Roman’s 5:2-5 May your heart and your husband’s and son’s overflow with His love and mercy and grace.