Act IV

Post 266

I finally feel like I have something to say again. My trip to Ohio was “marvuhlous” (think Billy Crystal), getting to spend time with people I love very much.

I went to church with Rock 2 last Sunday morning, the first time I’d been to a crowded, high energy church, in years. It just so happens that the theme of grief is being incorporated into many of their sermons this year. I am now crying must less spontaneously than I did last year, but when the Pastor spent just a little time describing what heaven is like, my heart and eyes overflowed. I, of course, being one of those people who wings things by being unprepared, (no tissues, never have a usable umbrella when I need one) just used my fingers and sleeve to wipe away my quiet tears, but Rock 2 came to my rescue. Then I apparently wiped some mascara which I couldn't fix very well. Oh well.

The reason I tell this story is because the sermon that was preached on January 21st, two weeks prior, meant a lot to Rock 2 and she recommended it to me, which I listened to this week. I’m linking it because it gives an excellent perspective of the grief process, framing it, and was helpful. I’ve given it a lot of thought on & off since listening, and it might be helpful to one of you. The link is to the whole service, but the message starts about 30 minutes in.

https://www.youtube.com/live/v-wK0wACCp4?feature=shared

I’ve titled this post Act IV because once I could put a name to how I’ve been feeling this year, the better I became.

In early 2019 when hubby and I were preparing to leave Ohio and start a new adventure in Alabama, we called it our Third Act. Act 1 was each of our lives prior to us meeting each other in our mid 20s. Act 2 was us together and raising our kids. Morgan was a junior in college and hadn't lived with us full time since 2016. Evan was well on his own. Act 3 would then be the rest of our lives.

The end of 2023 and beginning of 2024 was a difficult time for me. Obviously Morgan being gone had a major impact on all parts of my life. Some things, like closeness to God and strengthened human relationships got better, while other things got worse. In seeking counseling, I came to the realization that Act III had turned out to be a very short act, and it was time to begin Act IV. Act IV does not mean Mo is forgotten or loved any less, but it is framing my identity as something other than a grieving mom now. I am doing better at seeing her as a gift whose earthly role was completed, and I’m beginning to think happier thoughts when she crosses my mind, instead of feeling the loss so strongly.

I still want to talk about her a lot, but I sometimes wonder if people think I do it too much.

Until Thursday, I had almost non-stop sitings of GBH. If I was on a walk or driving where one was capable of being seen, I saw one. This went on from that last week of 2023 through Wednesday. It was remarkable, and each time I knew the timing was God's.

In addition, there were MANY Godwinks, or spiritual shenanigans, during this time, not just to me, but to Rock 2 when I was with her, and my son just a few days before our visit together. Perhaps. We can't know for sure, but they are all unexplainable but innocuous occurrences. When I’ve processed these more, I’ll probably describe them in another post.

I started my new volunteer opportunity at Graces of Gurley this past week, an hour hanging out with kindergarten-4th graders, building relationships that will hopefully improve their lives as they learn to lean on Jesus. I will form a stronger bond with a sibling pair (L - girl second grade - very cuddly and sweet - and her little brother L in kindergarten.)

Hubby and I both have love to give and only God knows right now if we’ll ever become grandparents by our son. We will bring these kids into our lives, same as we did and do with S. It’s a win-win for sure!

I would love to know in the comments how y'all are doing, how those who had or have family members or friends struggling with health issues are doing. I think about and pray, but I’m not sure if I’m praying for what is most needed at this point. (Yes, God knows anyway, I know.)

Have a great week!